Many experienced teachers have told me that one particularly hard part about their job is dealing with parents/guardians. As teachers, we must remember that communication with parents/guardians is an important part of what we do. However, problems arise when parents are overzealous, unhappy, apathetic, overbearing, etc...
Think of a problem you may encounter with a parent/guardian and how you would deal with the fictitious situation if had to resolve it in real life. You can use actual experiences if applicable. Comment below!
This actually happened to me this past week! I was student teaching in a Math class and a student called her teacher a liar about giving her a homework assignment. The teacher dismissed the rude comment and told her to go to her locker and look and check again to see if it got tucked away. About five minutes go by and an inclusion teacher came in and said, "One of you need to come out in the hall, she is in the hallway going through other lockers." My teacher looks at me and asked me if I could attend to it, and I obliged. I went out there and the student was spinning the knob on her locker for forever. After I looked at my watch, I realized she has been trying for 15 minutes to get her locker open, just while I was out there. I told her, "Ok, let's get your locker open." She yelled at me to leave her alone and to back off. The inclusion teacher came out again and laid into her for her disrespectful behavior to me. Then the little girl throws everything out of her locker and down the hall. She then starts cursing and acting completely insane. At that moment, the Assistant Principle came by and got that little girl so quickly and took her to the office. Her family was called and all the teachers had to tell the family what they experienced and what happened in the hallway. The little girl was screaming we were all liars and that she wants to leave and never come back. Her parents said that we should have left her alone. At this point the Assistant Principle said, "My staff handled this completely right and in the right way." The family then got really defensive and did not like the fact that a student teacher was outside with their child in the hallway. I then replied, "I am sorry you feel that way, but I am working on my Masters in Education and I know how to properly handle these types of situations. I think that your child needs to have someone to talk to about her erratic behavior and needs someone to feel safe with, instead of feeling attacked." At that moment, the family asked if I would follow the child around and guide her so that she can improve her behavior.
ReplyDeleteWell, if you look other posts of mine, you might think that I am a discipline Nazi with an iron fist under a chain-mail gauntlet. My reaction to this situation would be to consider whether or not this girl's actions were out of character. If she never behaved this way before, then something else is troubling her.
DeleteThat being said, I had a similar situation recently, but with a liberal dose of profanity directed at me thrown in. This was the girl's normal behavior. The girl's parents choose not to come to the school or get involved. Now *that* is the problem I have with parents.
One problem that seems to occur more in my class is students not completing classwork or homework. In the past and even currently, I have had students who refused to complete their classwork or homework which resulted in a lower grade because they were not prepared for tests or projects. Parents have reacted in various ways, and believe it or not, most are just not supportive. One thing that I have learned is to keep accurate records and never meet with a parent alone. Always have at least an administrator and a counselor present in the meeting. These two individuals will support you if you have your records straight. In the meeting I explain my grading system and show an example of what they have to do for homework. It's not much at all. Once a parent sees this, they are generally on board with the fact that their child should be doing it. However, there is always that one parent who still believes that I should stay on one child day after day and neglect my 89 other students. This is where the administrator and counselor has stepped in for me, and my part of the meeting is over. It's great to have an administration who supports you.
ReplyDeleteThis to me seems like the least favorite part of teaching - dealing with parents who might have a problem with recognizing their child has done something wrong or not progressing on the level they should be. I am the room mom for my daughter's kindergarten class and there is one student who stands out as the problem child. In just one week, he has spit on the teacher's desk and drank toilet water from the bathroom. I am not sure how her teacher is going to address these issues with his parents but I can only imagine it going to be a hard conversation. If I am put in this situation, I hope I will be able to address the situation calmly and with some suggestions for behavior modifications.
ReplyDeleteI completely agree that, if possible, have someone else in the conference with you. You need back-up and to be honest, sometimes is helps to have the majority. There are occasions when both parents come and if you don't have another person to back you up, it can give the parents the upper hand just by numbers. Another thing that is helpful to me when having a conference is to be prepared. Our school has a conference form that we must fill out proir to the conference. I love it because it allows me to organize all the information that I want to relay to the parents so that I am not sitting there trying to remember what I was supposed to talk to them about. Parents must sign the form and they receive a copy before leaving the meeting, so they have a written record of what was said at the meeting. One thing I have learned over the years is to start with asking the parents what concerns they have. This lets them see that you are not just there to talk about the problems you are having with their child, but you are intersted in their concerns as well. One last thing when approaching a conversation with a parent about their child is always, always, start with something positive about the child. This can often calm parents fears about how "awful" it is that they are having to discuss some academic problem or behavior problem the child may be having.
ReplyDeleteWow. How insightful the comments in this blog. This is one part of teaching I’m not looking forward to, as far as in dealing with overzealous, unhappy, apathetic, overbearing parents--not to mention the students. I haven’t taught yet, but I hope this will be helpful to you. Let’s say a student receives bad grades on exams in my class time after time. So, the not-so-happy parent of the student come to see me to find out what’s happening. At the meeting, I would show the concerned parent materials after materials I have assigned the students to do, as well as study and let the parent think through it for a minute or so. If the parent insists that the child has done all that he/or she was told to do, then I would recommend tutoring, and suggest to the parent to monitor the progress of the child as the school year progresses.
ReplyDeleteWow, Jessica, it looks like you are launching a storm of comments with this one. You have just hit one of our "hot buttons".
ReplyDeleteFor the most part, I think parents are delightful. Those that I am able to contact, at any rate. When an angry parent shows up, I agree that an assistant principal needs to be present.
My biggest problem with parents is that many are not involved with their child's education, for a variety of reasons. Frequently, telephones are disconnected or go unanswered, parents aren't at home in the evenings, or they are heads of single-parent households struggling to support teenage students.
A common response is, "My child won't take his/her medications" for an attention-deficit disorder. I am not a physician, but my feeling on this is, if your child had diabetes, you would be sure that he or she took insulin, right? So, why do you limit their prospects for success by not insisting that they take their other medicaions?
I taught for a year at a small private school. I can not tell you how many notes I sent home reminding parents NOT to send their child to school without giving them ADD/ADHD medication. I totally agree with you on that one!!
DeleteWell since I do have a teaching background and I am aware of the problems teachers face with having to deal with helicopter parents it can be difficult to explain to parents that their child has a problem, needs help or that the child is simply no applying him/herself. As a teacher and parent, I have faced this issue several times and the dynamics in the home are the answer. Students that are having issues at school, unless (mentally challenged), have something going on at home. Students that feel safe at home are ready to learn when they get to school.
ReplyDeleteOne problem I encounter yearly is the parent who truly believes that I am solely responsible for teaching her child everything. This parent refuses to understand that the overall education of a child is a collaborative effort, beginning at home. My roommate teaches kindergarten, so she deals with this constantly. I can't imagine having a 5 year old who comes to school for the first time and doesn't know a single color, shape, letter, or number. Where have the parents been for the past 5 years?
ReplyDeleteMy parents don't always see the need to assist me in teaching their child academic objectives. They feel it is my job, not theirs. However, I am expected to encourage and teach manners, speaking skills, and appropriate public behavior like a mother would naturally do for her child.
Learning is a 3 way street in which responsibility is held by the teacher, the parent, and the student.
I imagine that one issue I will most certainly encounter is the parent(s) who believe(s) their child is an immaculately behaved and gifted individual, when perhaps the opposite is more accurate. Some parents are in denial about their child's behavioral issues; others do not see that their child may in fact be struggling in school.
ReplyDeleteI would set up a meeting with the parents of the child in question and do my best to involve others, such as the guidance counselor, in order to tackle the sensitive matters involved with informing a parent about the true nature of their child and the best way to go about handling the situation.
As I have not yet been in the classroom, I have not have to deal with the parental aspect of teaching. But I have coached in the past, and I had an overly zealous parent who did not understand why her daughter didn't see more playing time. In the end, we reached a compromise that seemed to make everyone happy. I suppose the best thing to do is to try and see things from all angles in order to arrive at a consensus that benefits everyone.
Accurate records is really good advice. Some parents don't want to believe that their child is less than perfect, so it helps to have as much documentation as possible. And remember that you cannot please every parent; just do what you think is right even if a parent doesn't agree.
ReplyDeleteKeeping up with grades and making sure the parents can see them and having an open line of communication is key. I like to e-mail...it's all documented that way so that there is no he said/she said. Parents want to believe all the time that their kids do no wrong and when they do, it becomes my fault or responsibility. For the most part, I have had a great group of parents from year to year. I try and foster some sort of relationship with them and their child throughout the year so it is a positive experince as well. I have the luxury though of having students two years in a row, as I am the only German teacher here. Ninth grade parents are the worst and you just have to be polite but express yourself in a way they understand but even if it isn't nice news I need to deliver, I try and put a positive spin on it.
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